It takes patience to keep a nagging wife; fortune to keep an ambitious wife; four eyes to keep a pretty wife.
Sometimes you might catch me staring at you. It's not because you are cute but bcoz my mom told me that devils have tails and I'm just wondering where's yours
Wife: I Have Changed My Mind.
Husband: Thank God ! Does The New One Work Now?
A boy goes to a strip club. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there thatu were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad!
Pappu: Dad, mein biwi nu sms kita ki main Raat nu aunga, ghar aaya te kisi hor de nal suti
si.
Dad: Puttar galti mobile company di aa, jede time nal sms nahi bhejde!
Elephant falls in Luv with Ant, but Ant's parents were against their marriage. Guess why?
They gave a Solid Reason: Kehnde Munde de dand Bahar ne.
Gud Morning! Aap ye soch rahe honge ki Raat ko Gud Morning kaise?
Simple! Phone mera, Paise mere, Msg mera, toh marzi bhi meri! Jo marzi aayega wo bhejunga.
Education is incomplete without 5 B's
B - Bikes
B - Beers
B - Babes
B - Bunks and the most important
B - Backlogs!
Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced
that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did.
Aftr robbing d Bank, robber 2 clerk: Did u see me robbing?
Clerk: Yes.
Robber shot him dead & asked d next clerk: Did u?
2nd clerk: No, But my wife saw u!
Ladkiyan apna dupatta ladke k samne aane k baad hi kyon theek karti hain?
Luteron ko dekh kar hi Daulat ki hifazat ka khayal Aata hai!
Why are Egyptian Children always confused?
Because after death, their DADDY becomes a MUMMY.
Height of Marwari Kanjusi: Looking for a second Hand Tata Nano Car.......preferably with
Gas Kit!!!
Hasi ke liye gam kurban, khushi ke liye aansoo kurban, dost ke liye jan bhi kurban, agar
dost ki girlfreind mil jaye to saala dost bhi kurban.
Doctor to Lady: U r looking so weak and exhausted ! Are U properly taking 3 meals a day as
I had advised ?
Lady: Oh my God ! I heard 3 Males per day !
Everything about you is perfect - your lips, your skin, your eyes, your body. Perfect! You're lucky to be born beautiful,
not like me, who was born to be a big liar.
First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly.
Marry and make a woman happy OR remain a bachelor and make several women happy!
Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ?
"Of course, why would Friday be an exception?"
A pregnant lady went to an astrologer.
Astrologer: When u deliver a baby, baby's father will die.
Lady: Thank god! My husband is safe!
At a party, someone yelled: All married guys plz stand next to one person who has made ur life worth living.
The bartender was almost crushed to death.
Suraj ki pahli kiran aapko Khusi de... Dusri kiran hasi de... Teesri tandurasti... Chouthi kamyabi... Bas ab aur nahi garmi
lagegi. Good Day.
Ek Gujju ka sapne mein kisi ne rape kar diya di. Next day Gujju ne apna Bank acccount band karwa diya kyon ki Bank mein
likha tha: Hum aap k Sapno ko Haqeeqat mein badal denge.
Amitabh: Mere pas Gaadi he, Banglaw hai, Bank Balance hai, tumhare paas kya hai?
Shashi: Mere paas bhi Gaadi hai, Bunglaw hai, Bank Balance hai...
Silence for few Minutes...
Amitabh: Abey to phir Maa kahana hai?
Q: What time is it when most people go to the dentist?
A: Tooth-Hurty!
Buffalo par baithe ek jaat koTRAFFIC police ne rok k puchha: Aap ka helmet kahan hai? Fine lagega.
Jaat: Re baawale, dhayan se dekh Neeche, 4 wheeler hai !
Baap: Beta maine tere liye ek ladki dekhi hai, Vo Roopvati, Gunvati, or Sarasvati hai.
Beta: Lekin papa mein kisi or se pyar karta hoon or vo.. Garbhvati hai.
Gandhigiri ki safalta ke baad, pesh hai. Messagegiri jisme aap msg kare ya na kare, ham msg bhejte rahenge, kabhi to aapko
sharm aayegi. Gud Day!
Doctor, cut off my dog's tail.
Vet: Why do u want to do that?
Coz my mom-in-law is visiting us & I don't want anything to make her think she's welcomed.
Most of my friends are normal, sane, cultured, decent, intellectual & well-behaved persons... Just wanna thank you for
breaking the monotony!
Police arrestd a drunkard & askd: Where r u goin?
Man: I'm goin 2 listen lecture on ill effcts of drinking.
Cop: Who'll lecture at midnite?
Man: My wife...
Grammar Teacher: Rahul sharaab Nahin Peeta Hai. Is sentence mein Rahul kya hai?
Pappu: Madam! Rahul chutiya hai...
Valentine special: Dunyia wich reh k rangaa wich kho jao.. Kise nu apna bana lao ya kise da ho jao.. Je kuchh vi ni hunda taan....Chakko Rajaai te so jao.
I Love You is 8 letters long. Then again, so is bullshit.
Q: Which type of Women wear Revealing Clothes?
A: Those who don't have Confidence in the Imaginative powers of Men
Law Professor: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?
Student: Father-in-Law!
Agar aap chahte hain k apke face pe dhool-mitii na lage to Roz subah lagaiye Asian Paints ka Apex Ultima jo dhool-mitti ko tikne na de!
What’s the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win in 8 ovrs, with 5 wickets in hand?
Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?
Alcohol contain female hormones. Proof: Men gain weight, talk unnecessarily, become extra emotional & stupid, start fighting without any reason.
Advice of dentist. "Treat ur girl friend like a toothbrush. Don't let any body else use it, and get a new one every three months.
Beggar: Saab 12Rs do na coffee peeni hai.
Man: Lekin coffee to 6Rs ki hai?
Beggar: Par saab girlfrend bhi to hai.
Man: Bhikari hokar bhi GF banali.
Beggar: Na saab,GF ne Bhikari bana diya!
What building has the most stories?
The Library.
A teenage boy to his father: Here's my report card and a list I've compiled of entrepreneurs who never finished their High School.
Asmaan mai tum ho, samundar mai tum ho, zamin pe tum, hawa mai tum, jahan b dekho tum hi tum ho. DOMEX wali aunty thik kehti thi KITANU har jagah hote hain.
Girl announced her engagement to her father.
Father: Does this fellow has any money?
Girl: Oh! Dad, U men r all alike, thats exactly what he asked me about u!
Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!
Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside. So, try going out naked
tomorrow and see the admiration!
Janwaran di party chal rahi cee Chua 4 peg la ke set cee.
Billi: J ajj party na hundi ta mai tenu ajj kha jandi.
Chua: Ja tur ja saliye, loki kehan ge khadi piti wich janani kut diti.
I pray to God that any person who tries to fuck ur happiness, may his ass begin to itch & his hand grow shorter that he
can't reach his ass to scratch.
Ek Tapori ki wife: Sunte ho ji, Apne chinku ne aaj pehla aadha shabd bola.
Tapori: Achcha, Kya bola ?
Wife: Behan...
He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim. They
said, he who never lived, cannot die!
Ek samay ki bat hai, Mata Lakshmi ji ka ULLU unse rooth gaya aur bola, 'Apki sab puja karte hain, mujhe koi nahin puchhta'
Lakshmi ji boli: Ab se har sal meri puja se 8-10 din pehle tumhari puja hogi. Us din Ullu puje jayenge.
Tabhi se Diwali k pehle us din ko KARWA CHAUTH keh kar manaya jata hai!
10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving. Which makes it a logical statement that 90% of accidentsarer due to
driving without drinking! Piyo Sar Utha Ke!
How 2 catch squirrels?
It's simple. Just climb a tree & sit, Squirrels will come in search of U... U know Y? Coz They Love NUTS!
Keeping a place for me in ur heart is ok, but keeping a place for me in your mind mite be dangerous coz people say... I'm
MIND BLOWING.
My Marriage is Fixed Surprisd?
Dekho free di party da sun k kivein khush hunde ne.
If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry! Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!
Why did Saddam Hussein attack Kuwait?
He had an Arabic baby-sitter, who always used to say 'Keep Quwait, Keep Quwait'.
Tension happens in brain and love is felt in heart. Then why do people get heart attack when they are tensed and why people
get mad when they are in love?
Only once in your life u'll get a right person with whom u'll get married, so, till than keep enjoying with the wrong Ones!
Banta: How do you say Topless in Urdu?
Santa: KHULE AAM...
The successful marriage depends on one simple equation: Wife having Beauty Secrets and husband having Secret Beauties.
There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job, Good food, Good sleep & Good _ UCK. Whatever u are
thinking... is right. Good Day.
Newspaper Mein News Lugi K
“50% Of Sardars Are Donkeys”
The Sardars Protested.
Next Day News Lagi K
“50% Of Sardars R Not Donkeys”
The Sardars Celebrated.
Memon ka beta apni girl friend
k sath date maar ker ghar aaya
to baap nay pocha,
kitnay paisay kharch karey?
Beta: Rs.50.
Baap:itne saray kion??
Beta: us k paas itne hi thay.
1 memon k ghar ko aag lag gai,
woh ghar ko bacha nahin saka,
guess kion?
because wo sari raat fre brigade
walon ko miss calls marta raha.
1 girl ask 2 pappu : woh kia hai jo cow k paas 4 or mere paas 2 hain?
pappu : legs
Girl : woh kia hai jo tumhari pant main hai aur meri pant mein nahi hai?
pappu: paisay
Girl : woh kia hai jo log din main karne k bajaye ko raat bistar pe kartay hain
pappu: neend puri karte hain
girl : woh kia hai jo larki pehli daffa karwate huye pain
ki wajah se roti hai?
pappu : kaan main ched
MORAL : aap bhi apni zehniat pappu ki tarhan saaf rakhain.
Macher ne 1 admi ko din main kata,
admi ne kaha:”tum to rat main kat’tay hona?”
Macher bola,”ghar k halat kharab hain over time ker raha hon.”
Q: What is the difference b/w secretary & private secretary?
Ans:
Secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR
&
Private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR.
In pakistan survey was done:
How many girls want to meet with Saquib
Survey repot
5% says yes
0% says no
95% says kuhawab maat dikhao
Humari aise kismat kaha.
A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin
and
say
that i will do anything to pass in the exams
and professor says
NOW OPEN YOUR
.
.
.
.
.
.
Books And Study.
Kadam kadam pay hawa ki simt ka dihan rakhna,
Mushkil waqt main dosti ko yaad rakhna
“Hamari yadoon ki khushboo zaror aye gi tumhain”
.
.
.
bus apni NAAK SAAF rakhna.
._|__:_,
(_0___=------/
. _|___|_,
----:----
,--<|>-=___/7
(_0___=----/
._|__|_,
apun ne, liya hai...
kahi jana ho to bindas
chabi le jana...!!
Mandir mein jap karta hoon, Masjid mein adab karta hoon, insan se kahin bhagwan na ban jaun isliye roz tujhko SMS karke pap karta hoon.
Haridwar main BABA ka Mela laga hua hain Prasad main Kambal bate ja rahe hain. Kisi our ko mat batana ye sms sirf selected BHIKARIYOKO bheja ja raha hain.
Agar manzil ko pana hai to himat saath rakhna, Agar pyar ko pana hai to aitbar saath rakhna, Agar hamesha muskurana ho to BRUSH AUR PASTE SAATH RAKHNA.
Mushraf ki niyat
“Niyat karta hoon 2 molvi marne ki.
6 rocket fire farz.
Wasty bUSH uncle k.
Muon mera Jamia hafza ki tarf”
main ooske pyaar me ban gayaa baraf kaa gola.......
main ooske pyaar me ban gaya baraf kaa gola.....
aur woh bewafaa bolti hai thanda matlab cocacola.
santa:itna sara log football ko lath kahe mar rahe hai? banta:gol karne ke liye. santa:sasura gol hi to hai aur kitna gol karenge.
7 Chatai pe 7 Sadhu baithe the, ek adami ake bola, Sadhuji kya karu Ladakiya Line nahi deti? Sadhu: Chote sadhu see Gutkeshwar ek chatai aur lagao.
Musharaf Reema ka haath pakar kar bola:
“Aao kamray mein chalain”
Reema; “Ki faida, wardi tey tu lani nai”
sardar apne noukar ko bola garden me pani daal.Naukar bola barish ho rahi hai,Sardar : Sale kam chor chatri pakdke daal.
Phone Ki Ring Baji. Pati: Mere liye Ho To Kehna Mai Gharpe Nahi Hu. Biwi Phone Utha k : wo gharpe hai Pati: Mana Kiya Fir Bhi Biwi : Ji wo mere liye tha.
Premika premi se: main maa Bannay wali hoon.
Premi: kya baat kar rahi ho yum hosh me to ho.
Premika: haan
Premi: Magar ham nay tou kabhi kiss tuk nahin kari
Premika: haan mai tumhare daddy se shadi kar k
tumhari maan banane wali hoon..
Ek din bhagwan sharab peeny
zameen per aa giya 50 boltle peenay
k baad dukan wala bola
“ap ko charti nahi hay?”
bhagwan: main bhagwan hun
Club wala: charh gaye salay ko
Khudi ko kar buland itan, chadha jaise taise. ke khuda bhi tujhse punche ke beta ab utrega kaise.
Ek janaje ko dekhkar ladki muskarai, baba bola jawan maut par yu hasa nahi karte, Beti boli baba wada kiya tha jab bhi milenge mauskraywnge.
ek ladki thi dewani si mobile lekar ghumti thi shama ke ghabra ke wo kuch karti rahti thi jabbhi milti thi mujhse hamesa puchti thi ye on kaise hota hai .
jo jita wo sikandar
jo haare wo jail ke Ander,
jo sms bheje us ko jadu ki jhappi,
jo na bheje usko
BANDAR ki pappi…..
*****
((@..@))
( * )
Ek Bar ek School me ek master ji Ek ladke ko khada kar ke bolte hai ki Batao Deepak Taj mahal kaha hai Deepak Bola pata nahi guru ji To Master ji bole Banch per khade ho jao Deepak Bola Abhi bhi nahi dikh raha hai Master ji...
Engineers Marte Nahi...
Zinda Dafnaye Jate Hai....
Har 6 Mahino Me Tadpaye Jate Hai....
Kafan Ke Dekho...
Toh Wo Kabr Me Bhi Assignment Likhte Paye Jate Hai....
Samandar Bhar Syllabus Hota Hai
Nadi Bhar Parh Pate Hein
Balti Barh Yad Rehta Hai
Chuloo Bhar Number Ate Hein
Jis Mein Hum Doob Jatey Hain.
Gadhe ko aam ke ped pe baitha dekh ke haathi niche se bola tum uper kya kar rahe ho gadha: kuch nahi ganna kha raha hu hathi:magar ye aam ka ped hai gadha:pata hai main ganna saath me laya hun..
Sardar gun leke darwaze pe ruka, Wife: y r u standing here? Sardar: Sher ka shikaar karne ja raha hu! Wife: toh jao na. Srdr: Kaise jau bahar kutta khada hai :)
Husband - tum kon hoo
Biwi - pagal hogay kiya apni Biwi koo bhol gaye
HUSBAND - nasha her gham bhola deta hai.
Devdas ke babuji ne kaha ghar chhod do, uski ma ne kaha paro ko chhod do, paro ne kaha daru chhod do, lekin aapko kisne kaha - SMS karna chod do.
Toothpaste ki add mein DAAT dikhata hai, Shampoo ki add mein BAAL dikhata hai, lekin WHISPER ki add mein ku kuch nehi dikhata. Ye to sarasar na insafi hai. JAGO GRAHAK JAGO.
Ye Scooty Kab li? Sardar : Kal Raat 1 ladki muje scooty par bahoot dur le gai, sab kapde utaar kar boli, jo chahiye le lo, maine scooty le li, kapdo ka main kya karta!!!...
Baap: Beta is bar exam main tujhe 90% lane hai, kuch bhi kar.. Beta: Nahi Bapu, main to is bar 100% launga...! Baap: Kyon Mazak kar raha hai..? Beta: Shuru kisne kiya..?!!
